Recently a story has me asking why a perfectly intelligent beautiful woman does this to herself?Apparently a gal was devastated after her boyfriend of 6 months broke up with her. She was baffled why he could not see a future with her. I concluded her I-am-here-for-you behavior early in the relationship prevented the guy from investing in the relationship. Her ex was handed “the relationship” on a silver platter while he did nothing. I think men are hunters, so if they don't need to hunt then where is the fun?
Apparently, the gal has a tendency to bend over backward for guys in her life. Instead of having fun and becoming a girlfriend, she performs all sort of wifely duties, like cooking and cleaning. All matters related to the guy become top priority because she is desperate to secure a place in his life. She thought she is being a “girlfriend” but the guy sees a desperate gal and loses all respect for her. I don't think the guy minds someone waiting on him but he does not appreciate and respect her. A guy who does not respect a gal will not want a future with her. He actually asked her why was she so available.....He was not entirely blameless but she took away all the mysteries by doing all the heavy lifting for both of them. In a perfect world, a guy should appreciate a gal who will do anything for him but this is not true at all. There is a fine balance desperate and considerate.
So what is a gal to do? I think relationship is a delicate courtship dance between a man and a woman. But, isn't this the fun part? A gal should definitely show interest so the guy can begin to pursue. I would say the first 3 month of relationship is most fun because there are so many uncertain elements and half the fun is finding new facts about each other. This is the time both men and women will wonder does he/she want me, love me, want to be with me with a silly grin because love is in the air. I say let him plan and anticipate the next date. It is quite difficult to have his imagination run wild when a gal is so available, at any point of a relationship. Sometimes, I feel sad when I see a gal who is a trophy but acts like a maid. I don't think a gal can clean her way into a guy's heart. A guy needs to know he is replaceable if he behaves badly. Don't be the gal who is on the begging/receiving end because she wants a relationship so badly.
In the end, a confident gal who knows what she is about and where she is going will attract and keep the guy, from beginning to end. She is not desperate to be in a relationship because she know her life is still full without him. A gal pal's boyfriend desperately wants to marry her because he doesn't want her to get away. He anticipates their time together because she is busy with her own life. She loves and cares for him but is not desperate to be in his life. This is the type of gal who will keep a man. What do you think?
16 savvy comments:
Good post. It's the "don't sit and wait by the phone" concept. A guy will take a girl for granted if she's always waiting around for him to lead her life. Own your life, don't let someone else. Relationships are about being partners, not one dictated everything for both parties. Btw, this can be true the other way around too (guys being taken for granted by girls).
Great post, SG!
I agree with most of what you said here. Some guys are just take,take,take. They just use us for sex and move on when they get bored-hunting, as you called it, yes.
secretia
Your soo right, nobody fancies a doormat! You can be loving but strong too.Thought you might like to enter my Topshop scarf giveaway over on My Passport to Style,the link is top right in my sidebar! Good luck, fingers crossed. Sharon xxx
Everything you said is true, but can be so hard to do in real life. I always said I was not going to be "that girl." Then I was "that girl" twice. Horrible mistakes.
It also depends on what you saw growing up. We mimic what we saw in our parents' relationship(s).
Love ya girl!
I agree, you have to give and take and not put all of yourself out there.
There is definately a fine line between desperate and considerate.
I agree 100% with your post. I spent many years of my early 20's being the girl who did everything for her boyfriend, and it always seemed to backfire on me. When I stopped living my life to make someone else happy and just lived my life - I met and married a great guy. Even now, my husband know that while he is important to me, I have other hobbies, interest, and things that fufill. He is therefore more appreciative of the things that I do for him. Too many of my married friends, complain that their husbands never help out and seem to take them for granted.....but the women let them, so there's the crux of the issue.
I couldn't agree more. Relationships are a dance and they are also give/take. Anticipation is key to long term happiness. Security stems from honesty, anticipation should always be there to keep things exciting.
Well said my dear!
Happy weekend to you.
xo
I so agree it is harder say than done. We don't want to be a B with an Itch but it is important to own one's happiness first. It is always more attractive to have a life. Imagine if a guy is always around, how would we feel, right?
Kylie Mc is right, gals do take an advantage of guys too. This can happen both way. It is just I am talking from a woman's pt of view. : )
I agree that men like to work at and earn things. Or else they just lose interest. =\
Btw, happy CNY! =D
That is true, but i think girls can be like that too.
great post, i love getting to know bloggers through there article/essay posts!
Happy Friday, Savvy <3
xx
desperation in both men and women is rather unattractive! it is always best when attraction and consideration and courtesy is mutual!
"I feel sad when I see a gal who is a trophy but acts like a maid" bulls eye!!! thats what i always see in gals lately..and the same gals who always complain that their bfs dont do stuffs for them!
i once read an article where a gal did everything for the guy (like his mum) and then the guy went off and married another gal and became the best husband, coz he was previously nagged nearly to death for not doing the things he should do! weird stuff
gr8 post, savvy!
xoxo elle
This is such good advice!! Men are by nature lazy creatures; they will get away with as much as you let them ladies so make sure that you set your standards and live by them! Btw, this is the advice that a GUY gave me, not from my own mouth as I am more likely too much of a giver as well!
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